When You Want to Stop Dieting, For Good
You’re fed up with dieting. You want to break the cycle of diet after diet after diet. Some of them “work” for awhile and then stop. What is the alternative to this?
I have been thinking lately how so much of our lives are leaps of faith and really it is more the norm than we think. We really have much less control than we want to believe, something that can be both scary and exhilarating.
Where does this concept come into play with healing from disordered eating, eating disorders or just repairing your relationship with food and body? I say it all the time, society and its constructions as we know it are very anti-recovery. We have normalized disordered eating patterns, disliking and disconnecting from our bodies and the never-ending quest for weight loss. So when people come to me and say “I can’t do this anymore, I want to stop dieting.” They are taking a huge, brave, leap of faith. They want new, positive patterns with the way that they eat. They want to be able to exist in their bodies without constantly feeling ashamed. They want to stop this toxic cycle of pursuing weight loss that is only causing them to misunderstand and hate the way their body functions.
So much of the work I do with clients is to show another side, another idea. Another way to both pursue health and accept yourself just as you are. To have compassion for yourself and create sustainable routines. But this all takes lots of leaps of faith, both large and small.
When we are in the midst of an eating disorder or disordered eating our relationship and connection with our bodies is either severed or misunderstood. To learn to trust our bodies again is to learn to trust ourselves. This trust looks like being able to tune into hunger and fullness cues with neutral curiosity. It looks like allowing ourselves to enjoy the foods that taste good without guilt. To be able to have routines with less rigidity and more adaptability. But to get there takes a leap of faith because everything around you will tell you to not trust yourself. To use external factors like Calories, portion sizes and timing to control your intake. A scale to determine if you give a gold star or punish yourself depending on what it says in that moment in time. The camaraderie that dieting with your friends and family provides. The familiarity of this cycle of “failing” a diet, starting a new one with pronounced gusto to have it “work” for awhile and then “fail” again.
What I ask of my clients is something I have had to experience myself. To wade into unknown waters of unconditional permission to eat food and re-learn how to approach helpful things like eating vegetables and exercise but not from a disordered place. A leap of faith to give up this pursuit of weight loss and the fallacy of perfection, guaranteed love and ultimate happiness that it provides.
It feels like the world will crumble at your feet. It feels like you are clinging to a life raft in the ocean with people standing on the shore yelling “Let go! You’re safe now, you can swim to shore!” but that feels terrifying. I get it, it is really really hard. But when you do, when you take those first little mini leaps of faith that probably feel more like teeny baby steps, it will grow. The fire inside your soul. Who you are outside of this need to control the world around you. Your creativity, passion and joy. That is what I see happen before my eyes when I work with my clients, and it is incredibly powerful and beautiful. Because you are incredibly powerful, beautiful and brave to take that vulnerable leap into something new.
Katy Gaston Nutrition
Katy is a registered dietitian nutritionist and owner of Katy Gaston Nutrition based in San Francisco, CA. Katy is passionate about her work in eating disorders and disordered eating (AKA dieting) and wants to help people heal their relationship with food and body. If you would like to work with Katy in counseling sessions, she is available virtually via her services page below. If you are unable to be a client at this time but would like learn more, click here for a free introduction into intuitive eating workbook!
The Myth Of Dieting Willpower
When it comes to food, do you feel like you lack willpower? Do you wonder why you feel like you have little to no control when it comes to eating?
We’ve all heard it, felt it, seen it, thought it - if you can’t follow a diet, you lack willpower.
I remember the first time that I heard that this concept of lacking willpower around food was not actually a real thing, I didn’t believe it to be honest. This narrative is so powerful in the dieting space because it always needs to be turned back onto you. For example, if something doesn’t work, it’s because you lack willpower, not because the concept was faulty to begin with.
So why is this concept of willpower faulty?
On a basic biological level, humans need to consume energy to survive. Plants need sunlight and water. We need carbohydrates, protein, fat, water. Because of this, our brains are wired to get us to eat because that is how we get energy. When we consume food our bodies break it down and it eventually ends up being ATP; a fuel source for our cells. In order for this process to happen over and over again, our bodies have a complex network of signals to tell every organ in your body to do its job. For example, when you are low on energy your body signals your brain to start thinking about food, your stomach makes noises and has an “empty” feeling. So then you know it is time to eat, the brain signals “good job!” for eating, and there is another set of communications to say that you have enough energy for now so the body needs to focus on the digestion, breakdown and utilization of this energy.
Now, when your body is in a starved state (restricting, under-eating, too low Calories, etc) then the signals to eat are going to be stronger, more panicked and desperate. To your body, it doesn’t know when the next meal will be. It doesn’t understand the concept of dieting because restriction and weight loss could mean death. So when people say they lack willpower, I see it as their body just really kicks into gear to keep this person alive. It’s not willpower, it’s biology. Do you see why it’s faulty when you turn the concept of willpower around to see it from your body’s point of view? Learning about this realized I had felt so much shame around my “lack of control” around food. I thought it was a moral and physical failing on my part and with working through these concepts I have seen that is not the case at all.
Now I want to answer to some questions to put this is real-life perspective.
“What about overall trying to eat healthier? I do really well for awhile and then I just end up eating junk food again.”
This is about taking away morality of food. Take away the black and white thinking and make it gray. There are no “good” or “bad” foods. You aren’t eating “healthy” or “junk” food. You’re just eating food. Make it as neutral as possible and then you can have a convo with your body about what feels best for you.
“If I keep candy at my desk I’ll just eat it all day.”
This is because you haven’t given yourself permission to eat it whenever, where ever. It becomes enticing when there is deprivation. Normalize it being around then it won’t have so much intrigue.
“My brother dieted and kept the weight off. I tried the same thing, lost the weight and then gained it all back. Why??”
I’ll use the cliche of every body and situation is different. I don’t know the complexities of each of their bodies so I can’t say much more than who knows what really went on with the brother and for the other person’s body that is a pretty clear path of what happens with dieting. With weight loss you body could think you’re starving and slowly dying, so it does what it can to protect you. So that means when the energy is available again it is going to hold on to it in case you go into another starvation mode. You’re not broken, you’re being protected.
To sum it all up…
Your body will always want to eat. Since it can’t force you to eat, it does so in other ways through chemical and hormonal signals to the brain to get you to think about food. Then when you don’t listen it will get louder, it will get you to obsess over it. It’s trying to keep you alive! So heal your relationship with your body, listen to what it is trying to say and “willpower” will no longer need to be in your vocabulary around food. Since this can be difficult and complex to do, a dietitian is a great resource to get to the roots of how you feel about food and your body that cause these feelings of “lack of control.”
Katy Gaston Nutrition
Katy is a registered dietitian nutritionist and owner of Katy Gaston Nutrition based in San Francisco, CA. Katy is passionate about her work in eating disorders and disordered eating (AKA dieting) and wants to help people heal their relationship with food and body. If you would like to work with Katy in counseling sessions, she is available virtually via her services page below. If you are unable to be a client at this time but would like learn more, click here for a free introduction into intuitive eating workbook!