How To Respond To Diet Talk
Seeing people in person again can be a bit of an adjustment. How to cope, navigate and respond to diet talk when it arises.
We are still very much in the midst of a global pandemic…
As we go into a time where we are seeing more of our friends and family there can be a lot of diet talk. If you are trying to recover from an eating disorder or seeking the path of a non-diet life, how do you navigate these comments and questions?
First I just want to say that it is a weird time right now in general. Here in the US and especially in California, life is starting to “open up” again. We are starting to come out of our houses, go back to the office, see groups of friends and family, and go to events. This can be nerve-wracking and an adjustment just like when we were going into lockdown (and all the changes that happened inside of that.) As part of this adjustment, we might be seeing people in person that we haven’t in a long time and we might be more self-conscious because we have gotten used to being on video from the comfort of our homes.
How do I respond to diet talk?
Since we all have varying comfort levels depending on our mood, personality and context I have included categories of “soft” and “bold” responses, but one is not better than the other. You need to protect your energy first and foremost.
Comment: Wow, you look great! Did you lose weight??
Soft: Thanks, I’m not sure, I don’t track that.
Bold: I’m actually healing my relationship with food and my body that doesn’t include monitoring my weight so maybe that is what you are noticing!
Wow, you are eating so healthy, good for you.
Soft: I try to eat a little bit of everything!
Bold: Actually when I changed my mindset in knowing no good or bad foods it opened me up to so much variety! I’m craving a salad right now and definitely going for dessert later because it looks delicious.
Do you work out? If I ate like you I would gain so much weight.
Soft: Mmm. [changes subject] So how has the new dog been?
Bold: I’ve healed my relationship with my body and food so I enjoy joyful movement when I want. I’m not afraid of weight gain because I trust my body will figure out what weight it needs to be. I also know fear of weight gain is ingrained in us but I’ve been working on un-learning fat-phobia instead.
My friend just lost a bunch of weight on this new diet! Let me send you the book title, I think it could be good for you.
Soft: I’ve actually stopped dieting for a bit, thanks though.
Bold: I know that I tried a bunch of diets in the past that didn’t work but it turns out I actually needed to heal my eating disorder instead!
Someone looks hungry, what a big plate!
Soft: Yep.
Bold: Funny, I didn’t feel the need to comment on your plate of food.
Come-on, finish off the mashed potatoes! I don’t want them to go to waste.
Soft: Thank you but like I said I’m really full.
Bold: Definitely won’t go to waste, I’ll take them home with me because I am too full right now.
Ugh my thighs are so big, diet starts on Monday for sure.
Soft: I had parts of myself that I haven’t liked either but I’m choosing to send them some love instead!
Bold: We are some smart, passionate and funny ladies, isn’t there something else we could talk about besides what we hate about our bodies and dieting?
Navigating diet talk might seem like a never-ending battle. But like I said always put your energy first and see what you have the energy for. You are also not alone <3.
Katy Gaston Nutrition
Katy is a registered dietitian nutritionist and owner of Katy Gaston Nutrition based in San Francisco, CA. Katy is passionate about her work in eating disorders and disordered eating (AKA dieting) and wants to help people heal their relationship with food and body. If you would like to work with Katy in counseling sessions, she is available virtually via her services page below. If you are unable to be a client at this time but would like learn more, click here for a free introduction into intuitive eating workbook!
Body Modifications and Body Image
How to work through body image when you want to modify your body cosmetically.
Body modification and what that means for your body image.
To clarify, today I will be talking about body modification in the ways of plastic surgery, tattoos, cosmetic procedures like Botox or laser hair removal, etc. I know that there are body modifications in relation to religious and spiritual practices but those are not what I am going to be referring to today.
When I was working with teens in eating disorder treatment they would ask me “If you’re trying to tell us to accept our bodies just as they are, how come you have tattoos? Isn’t that an attempt to modify yourself?” I think this is a fair point and question, so let’s talk about it.
I will admit I used to be very judgmental when it came to people getting plastic surgery to modify their bodies. I have seen so much of the negative side effects of it and how it did not in fact heal someone’s body image as they had wanted it to. I also saw the physical negatives of having implants or the surgery itself and that the side effects are often not fully conveyed to the recipients. Now I feel that I am much more open and understanding of people wanting to modify their bodies and I think it is more about the root of WHY you want to.
Just like with my tattoos or getting laser hair removal, these procedures are available to me via modern science that I do because I want to, not because I don’t love my body. I know my tattoos will not heal the inner work I need to do on body acceptance and positivity. I know that not needing to shave my underarms anymore doesn’t suddenly make me have magical confidence, I just prefer to have no hair and it saves me time and energy. This is important because it is all about body autonomy and what you feelings about your body are within. I know that my wanting to have no body hair is rooted in body image ideals that are placed upon women-identifying people that you are more worthy with no hair. I have come to accept my body hair and am okay if I don’t shave, I just prefer to not have to. I also love that others have said “eff that” and chosen not to shave at all and have their natural hair grow and shine. Some people dye their hair, some don’t. Some people trim it down, others don’t. Make it all up to you and what you do with your body.
I feel the same about plastic surgery, botox, etc. Part of me is worried that we have normalized these procedures so much that we have a warped idea about what humans look like or allowing people to age “naturally” if they want to. So I want to be very aware of how prevalent this is. I think we need to talk more openly about what work has been done just like which photos have been photoshopped. Not in a way to shame anyone who has had cosmetic surgery, but rather just so we are all on the same page and that these people did not just “start eating healthier” or “started drinking this magical tea that helps me sleep” as a way to say they no longer have wrinkles or a smaller bottom. So again, I realized I was being too harsh on my view of this in the past, especially when you bring in the positives of plastic surgery in the trans community that can bring life-saving medical procedures for people to finally be able to feel themselves.
It is all about the root of WHY you want to modify your body.
Any body modifications are not going to be a quick fix to body acceptance and love. If you so choose to modify yourself in any way, I hope it is done BECAUSE you love your body and not because you hate it and want to “fix” it. In any interaction in the relationship with your body, approach everything with curiosity and compassion, rather than hatred or desperation.
When I approach getting tattoos or laser hair removal I do so with the knowledge that it is FOR me, not for how the outside world will PERCEIVE me.
Katy Gaston Nutrition
Katy is a registered dietitian nutritionist and owner of Katy Gaston Nutrition based in San Francisco, CA. Katy is passionate about her work in eating disorders and disordered eating (AKA dieting) and wants to help people heal their relationship with food and body. If you would like to work with Katy in counseling sessions, she is available virtually via her services page below. If you are unable to be a client at this time but would like learn more, click here for a free introduction into intuitive eating workbook!